Deployment....

Let me preface this post by saying it does NOT have a happy ending. Any of you who are military or associated with folks that are know that this word strikes sadness in your heart as soon as you hear it... I am posting today feeling very sad and unable to get my creativity flowing.. I sit and my desk and think about living alone for a year and a half with two teenage sons and it makes me want to CRY!!!DH seemed off yesterday but brushed aside my concerns about his mood yesterday afternoon ( kids in the room). Last night when the house was quiet he sprung a gem on me.. He's on orders for Iraq. Understand I am an Army Wife and will handle this deployment in stride,when I heard what he said I laughed at first cause I thought he was messing with me, since he is already on TDY orders to return involuntarily to recruiting duty for 3 months, and started to cry when I looked at him and saw the seriousness in his face...The initial shock of orders has never sat well with me over our 14 years of marriage but this one is especially hard to swallow since DH is about 6 months away from putting in his retirement papers... I keep sitting down at my  desk and trying to use the new stamps I got hoping to distract myself from the knot in the pit of my stomach but I just can't seem to focus. I just feel bizarre. Like I'm living in some alternate reality. I thought maybe releasing it all here would help.. Thanks for listening...